This week in the wilderness of my mind it was not pretty.
It was filled with anxiety.
It was there when I woke up and it hung around all day.
I took deep breaths.
I ate well.
I noticed my thoughts and tried to direct my mind.
Basically I took my own medicine.
The anxiety didn’t go away.
Sometimes it’s just like that.
Anxiety, overwhelm, worry.
Sometimes she settles in for the ride.
There was a time in my past where I thought there was something wrong with me for feeling these emotions.
My clients often come to coaching because they think this too.
They feel overwhelmed, rushed, lost and worry there is something wrong.
They think the solution is to quit their job or book an escape holiday.
They think the solution is to drink a bottle of wine, over exercise, over eat, numb out.
It isn’t. Trust me, I have tried them all!
Here is what I have come to know.
Life is not all unicorns, daisies and rainbows.
And that is totally Ok.
We all know this intellectually.
But we live as if life should be otherwise.
We spend our days resisting this reality.
We think that once we get a better handle on work, once the kids start school/leave home, once we get the promotion, go on holiday, get married, have the kid, get divorced, retire…life will be good, we will be happy, we will have arrived.
We are sold the idea that we are meant to feel happy all of the time.
We are told, ‘Go buy something, eat something, drink something and you will feel better.’
It never works.
Because we are not meant to feel good all of the time!
Sometimes you feel like shit.
Sometimes you feel anxious.
Sometimes you feel overwhelmed.
Sometimes you can turn it around with a deep breath and a thought reframe.
Sometimes you can’t.
What you always can manage is how you choose to Be.
You can hide in the cave, take a nap, drink a bottle of wine, eat a packet of tim tams, exercise for 4 hours a day, procrastinate on social media, shop online…
Or you can get out of the cave, be willing to feel crappy emotion and still turn up for yourself.
Here are my tips on how you can start to choose the latter and action it in your everyday life.
Slow everything down.
This is not an emergency.
Find time to slow the train down.
Get conscious of your thoughts.
Get conscious of your feelings.
Get conscious of your actions.
Get off the field and into the grandstand.
Actually ‘watch’ your mind.
THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT
Start to notice what you are thinking.
What are the sentences in your mind?
Notice the thought that is causing the feeling of fear, worry, anxiety.
CHOOSE YOUR THOUGHTS
You can’t often control the external world.
The deadline, the kids, the traffic, the to-do list are what they are.
What you can control is your thinking.
You are in control of what goes on inside.
What is a better thought?
Sometimes you can choose a thought that turns around how you are feeling.
Other times it’s just choosing a thought that is more neutral.
For me, this week, that was, ‘I am feeing anxious and that is totally Ok.’
BE GENTLE ON YOURSELF
When you take care of yourself emotionally everything changes.
When we avoid emotion by numbing out with food, alcohol, shopping, work, exercise etc. we increase overwhelm and decrease our self-esteem.
We feel helpless and unconscious.
Don’t let these behaviours pretend to be self-care. They are not.
Be gentle on yourself by getting clear on what really matters.
Ask yourself what are my priorities right now?
What is one thing you can do right now that will move me forward?
How can I treat myself with the honesty and integrity I give to others?
The wilderness is wild, but it is also where you are truly free.
If you are still reading this – know you are loved, you are worthy, you are infinite potential and possibility and you are exactly where you are meant to be. Be here now. Start where you are.
So much love to you all.
ps. If you haven’t already, you must check out my Your Life Designed Coaching Program for 2018! One powerful group of people designing the life they desire. If you feel the gap between where you are now and where you want to be this course will change your life. Whether you want to improve your relationships, get a handle on your mental and physical health, build your business or career, manage your emotions, and find time for what you really want in life or discover who you are and what you want for your future this program will help you plan and achieve your goals. With personal support and help from me. Join us, you won’t regret it! Register you’re interested here.
Photo credit: Kirsty Burns Photography