So my life looks ‘right’ according to most peoples values and priorities. I am married, have kids, work hard, provide. My wife stays home to care for the kids. We have a great life. But this months work has had me realise that my priorities (family, health, contribution) are not truly reflected in how i live every day. It looks like they are. I work very hard, provide for my family, my employer supports me (he is paying for this program) and sees me as a great contributor to the business, we can afford holidays and nice things for the kids. But beneath the surface I work long hours, when home i am exhausted, disconnected and I can feel my low energy and inability to turn of from work affecting my family and my health. I am also over drinking to relax, but it is actually making me less connected at home. I am stuck in this space where I deeply want to live in a way that reflects what is most important to me…but how do i do this without ‘shocking’ those who have been used to me being who i am (boss, my mates and father in particular who all work long hours, largely ‘neglect’ family responsibility/leave parenting to the mum, over work, over drink and dont take health too seriously)? I feel like in order to change the way i live i will let others down? Does this even make sense? I appreciate your feedback and advice here. Thank you.
It makes total sense.
I want you to really consider this:
What if I continue to live this way?
What if come December 31 I am still living my life according to what I perceive to be other peoples expectations rather than what I truly want?
What will have I lost?
What opportunity will I have missed?
This is not easy work. But once you see where you desire change it is usually more challenging to continue living in a way that is not true to who you are than the temporary discomfort of challenging what others think you are.
When you have lived a certian way and then change – it is unfair to expect others not to be shocked, of course they will be! But that is Ok. They can be shocked. That is their business. You can be respectful and kind and still live according to what matters most to you.
It is funny that as adults we almost feel like we are not allowed to change, grow, evolve. We cant change our opinion, our ideas, our life…so we stick to outdated ways of living out of fear of people saying ‘you have changed’ like it is a bad thing…
What if the comment ‘you have changed’ was a compliment?
I think it is.
You get to decide.