I’m just going through the work book for week three and a theme for me that is coming out is the ability to build emotional resilience. I find it hard to decipher when or if to ‘stand up for myself’ or to simply let go. I don’t want to be a pushover or continue to make excuses for people but I get that there is something really liberating about being the bigger person…
Look forward to your thoughts xx
Oh I love this question!
I think its always best to let it Be rather than let it go and/or stand up for yourself.
But its important we understand what we mean here by stand up for yourself.
Typically in 99% of the cases clients want to ‘stand up for themselves’ what they really want is to tell someone that they did something that made them feel bad and that they want them to stop doing this or to change. It’s and attempt to control another person. This is not very productive.
Then there is the idea of letting things go. Which tends to mean to go unconscious, to disconnect, to ignore or fain ignorance. This tends to lead to resentment, internal blame and anger (I call it fruious inside with a big smile on top). Not terribly healthy.
Let things BE…now this is different.
Because ultimately we don’t have much of a choice. People are who they are are. They can be rude, chronically late, unkind, curt, grumpy, total F witts…and the sooner we let them BE who they are the better.
If they get to BE who they are (and they do) then you get to BE who you want to be.
Who do you want to be?
You can be all of these things and still say No.
You can be all of these things and leave if they are more than 10 min late.
You can be all of these things and not respond to the late night text message.
You can love someone and decide that the friendship has completed itself.
You can care for someone and let them go.
Get to that place where you are who you want to be. That place where you genuinely want them to Be who they are.
From that place you make clean, clear, kind decisions – strong decisions – decisions that are from a place of respect for yourself and love for them…where you are NOT a push over nor are you unconscious or dilludiing yourself.
You have got this my friend.
Great question – I know this is relevant to so many of us right now xx