I am absolutely energised and passionate about the work I do and the business I started a mere 5 months ago! I get up early, I love learning, personal development and working out as my buffer between work and home. My fiance says that if he had his time again he would not pursue the career he has chosen and feels he is in’ too deep’ to change now. He shares that he loves every other aspect of his life besides his ‘career’. But isn’t this where we spend so much of our time? Is it unfair of me to want him to find what makes him jump out of bed every day or at least some level of satisfaction in the work domain? Or do some people just not ‘get fulfilled’ in their careers? He hasn’t worked since I opened my business. He intended to locum but he hasn’t for many reasons. Is it unfair to imagine what it would feel like coming home to the man I love but who is filled with drive, direction and excitement? Stuck on what to think, feel and do!
This is such a good question and so relevant to many of us. I know personally and also for many other clients wanting our partners to be more ‘strategic’ or ‘engaged in work’ or ‘engaged at home’ is an issue that we struggle with.
Here is the thing.
He is not you.
Maybe he wants to have a career where he bounces out of bed…maybe he doesn’t.
But having a partner push us to be like them…never feels good.
I remember when I wanted Michael to drink less, be a morning person and want to go on long tough hikes…the more I pushed for this the more he seemed too push me to ‘sleep in, chill out and relax’.
Right now your fiancé doesn’t love his work, but he loves everything else about this life. You love your work, your business, your health regime, but you want a different dinner conversation – you perhaps have more in common than you realise 🙂
How do you imagine he feels right now? Deep down? Now remember it is not your job to save him from this -but you can stop addin to it – because we add to others’ pain by making them feel like they need saving.
Let’s assume that things won’t change (he may change his work situation, but we don’t control this, so lets stick with reality right now).
How do you want to feel about this?
Really think about this.
If he decides to stay with the status quo, how do you want to feel?
At peace?
Calm?
Supportive?
Enraged?
Disappointed?
If you are the main breadwinner. The main ‘worker’. The one who loves their job. How do you want to think and feel about this?
How do you need to think in order to feel this way?
List the thoughts you would have generally.
Practice these.
It only ever takes one person to make the change – it is such a blessing to be that person!
Xx L