I’ve religiously done all of your workbooks and daily reflections and intentions. It’s so funny; ‘I’m doing Laura’, ‘Have you done Laura?’
We did a fast, meditation and exercise everyday, no alcohol (since Oct 4) and then we had a huge rebellious ‘fuck it day’ on Jan 1st. Bit of a shame, but hilarious at the time, not the next day though..
So in short, I think your program is amazing. Truely, I’ve learnt so much and get such a sense of relief that it ties together so many years of reading and research into personal growth. I love it.
The reason that I wanted to email you today was that I slipped back into overwhelm this week due to a work relationship and felt really conflicted and confused. I came to work this morning and listened to both of your latest podcasts and certainly feel more grounded. I work for one of my closet friends and fear that our relationship will be permanently affected.
It’s really hard. The patterning of my thinking is powerful and it’s so easy to slip back into a bit of a hole. No matter how many times I’ve read, listened or written down your three main tips on understanding your mind, the penny takes a while to drop. It’s certainly not an over night thing for me! Will you be reiterating or revising key work that you’ve covered in Jan?
The big challenges for me are a conflict between my vision and actually believing that I can do it. So many areas of my life have improved though my mindfulness meditation training and now work with you. I’ve lost 11kgs, I’ve stopped alcohol (except for FID Fuck it Day ;-)) mediation has been powerful for me, I have a wonderful relationship with Will and my kids. So much good has happened and I feel that I have so much to be grateful for.
The conflict is, shouldn’t I just be content with this, life is pretty wonderful.
My job is good and I’m paid well, have flexibility and autonomy. Isn’t this enough?
The conflict is about striving. Isn’t striving bad? Is wanting to have my own business realistic? Is it ‘bad’ to have these goals? So self-doubt and possibly confusion about being ’the right’ thing to have aspirational goals. Am I realistic? Sometimes when I write out my ‘dream’ or when I’m writing in the workbook I almost feel shame about some of the things I’m writing. Maybe a disconnect between what ‘I want’ and whether I believe I deserve or can realistically achieve it.
I really found the workbook on money confronting. I’m really keen to understand more clearly about what you mean by ‘my value to the world’ and how this relates to wealth creation. It would be great to explore this a bit more. It’s a similar theme here too, is it ok to want wealth from creating a business that serves others? Love to feel more clarity around this.
Thanks again Laura, you do amazing work.
I’m really looking forward to downloading Feb.
Thank you for raising so many important issues.
I will comment on each in turn.
First though – that makes me laugh, ‘doing Laura’. I have another client who’s husband tells her to ‘do your Laura stuff’ when she gets overwhelmed and Michael tells me to ‘go read your own workbooks woman’ when I have my moments!
This last few weeks I have really had to do this – take my own medicine so to speak – ill share more in next week’s special edition – had my own version of FID.
Ok so OVERWHELM
First of, when we say we ‘slipped’ or ‘fell off the waggon’ it is a nice way to release all responsibility. But it also means we have no where to go from there, no way to improve in how we manage overwhelm in the future. We just turn away and keep going on, never taking a look at what happened and what we can learn.
When we go into overwhelm our mind goes into ‘toddler’ zone. It decides its all too much and it cant cope and it blames work, the environment, the fact your boss is your dear friend.
But here is the truth. The relationship didn’t cause the overwhelm – your mind did, how you thought about the situation.
More below on fear and how that thinking is the real issue here.
I can tell that you are thinking that the goal of this work is to eventually never stumble, to never make a mistake, to never get it wrong or lose your mind. That cant be the goal because it is an impossible one. Being attached to this and thinking that this ideal of being in control, or ‘perfect’, means you cling to the idea that life will be better in a few months or years when you are fully enlightened…it’s not something we achieve, ever, at least not in this universe.
Life pushes and pulls us, the mistakes and stumbles are part of the deal, each one of them is an opportunity to learn some more, open up some more to the experience of being human, and then let it go.
Be gentle on yourself, be open to being flawed and overwhelmed and scared.
FEAR IS THE ISSUE WITH WORK
Fear is what is causing your overwhelm at work.
You say you fear your relationship with your boss will be permanently harmed because she is also a friend. This thought is the issue.
How do you act when you feel fearful? Fear makes us anxious, needy, creepy, on edge, defensive, people pleasing … not our best self.
List all the thoughts about work that are causing this fear and overwhelm.
See how they are causing your feelings and take a look at how they are driving you to act both at work and at home.
Then decide how you want to feel about working with your friend and boss.
What thoughts will cause this feeling? Practice them.
What actions will this feeling lead to? See how much more open and free work can be.
ONGOING WORK EACH MONTH ON MINDSET
Yes this is a re occurring topic – each month new members will join and mindset is the key to this work and is part of each months ‘theme’.
Every month we develop emotional agility, we come back to it time and time again. It can feel repetitive at times, but as you know, as soon as you think you have it, life sends something new to open us up a bit more!
Each month we dive into different areas like time and relationships – but we keep coming back to the mind.
If we want to change our circumstances and grow into the next version of ourselves, we have to update our mind.
STRIVING V COMFORTABLE
This is such a good question.
I am preparing a podcast on it at the moment on ‘gratitude and wanting more’.
Today there is so much we have to be grateful for, clean water, homes, communities, health, education, friends, work, comfort, doing this work!
But why do we think that to want more is an offence to gratefulness?
Why do we think the 2 cannot coexist?
If you are truly grateful, if that gratitude is genuine – it is natural to want to do something with what you have, to build on it, to develop more – in honour of yourself and this human experience.
I am so grateful for my family, my business, my clients, the opportunities I have to share this work and support my family – I want to honour the opportunities I have that so many others don’t, I want to share the experiences and knowledge I have in a way that helps others, because not to would be to ignore the possibility, ignore the opportunity to evolve.
As for contentment…being content is more similar to feeling caged or trapped in a life you don’t like than you may realise – both result in a feeling of ‘unfulfilled’ – because we are designed to grow – that is our very human nature. Like everything in nature, if we are not growing we are dying.
BELIEF AND CONFIDENCE
Confidence is not a requirement. It comes after you take action, not before.
As for belief in your ability to achieve an outcome. You get to believe whatever you want. You can tell yourself it won’t work, or it will. At the moment you are choosing the former. Practice the latter.
You can believe its impossible and it will be impossible.
I suggest you tell yourself it is possible, because that is the only way you will ever achieve that outcome. Nothing new was possible before it was created.
Shame is a poisonous emotion – it creates nothing of value. Look at the thoughts that cause this shame, consider who you would be without them? What would you be doing differently? Ask yourself if there is any good reason to keep thinking this way? Decide if you want to let those thoughts go.
VALUE AND WORTH
What value do you want to create?
Your value in terms of worthiness is not negotiable. It is 100%. Each and every one of us is 100% worthy.
When I talk about creating value I am talking in terms of how do you want to live your life and what do you want to create?
It may be in terms of how you parent?
How you are as a friend or partner?
How you create wealth and support your family or others through employment?
How you deliver a service or product that creates value.
I encourage you all to connect with what it is you do that creates value, make sure that you like your reasons for what you do and own that, be proud of that and do it well.
It is Ok to want to create wealth for any reason, if you like your reason.
Is your reason to help others?
Do you like that reason?
If you do then drop the guilt and get on with doing just that.
Don’t let your mind get in the way of you helping others my friend : )
Have a beautiful weekend xx