OK I realise that this is my expectation or rule that is causing me to feel so angry and frustrated – but I cant help but think that when all the evidence backs me he should change his behaviour – based on what is right.
I am married. We have 2 kids aged 7 and 10. I provide a healthy balanced diet at home and in school lunches. ON weekends my husband has the kids for a few hours so I can get to the gym, this is over lunch. He doesn’t bother to prepare food and gives them fish and chips or bought cooked chicken and chips. He gets to be the cool Dad and I make up for it during the week with no unhealthy foods. This isn’t an issue like bed time, it is their diet and we all know that deep fried chips and fish are not good for you.
How do I get past this idea that he is being lazy and feeing them poison? How do I let this one go given all the evidence supports me?
Oh I love this thank you for posting this question.
So intersting – ‘its not like bed time’…like all that research that says kids of a particular age need a range amount of sleep before midnight?
Notice how you are looking for all the evidence to support why how you parent / decide on diet of family is the right way?
First up – please own the fact that you decide to feed the kids what you have decided is a balanced healthy diet during the week – no one has a gun to your head – you decide to do this – own that – it isn’t because you have to, or because you have to balanced out the fish and chips from Sundays – you would do it anyway, even if there were no fish and chips on Sundays. Own it like the fantastic mum that you are, be proud of that, dont taint it with resentment and anger.
As long as you think
‘he is lazy’
‘he is feeding them poison’
You will continue to feel angry and resentful.
You can try and force your husband to feed the kids a salad…but it sounds like this isn’t a real option, he gets to feed them what he wants, that is his decision, he gets to own that.
You can prepare a salad before you leave for the gym for him to feed them, from a place of love, because this is important to you. You can ask him to feed the kids that salad…but you cant force him to.
You can decide not to go to the gym and stay home and prepare a meal.
OR you can go to the gym and let your husband parent as he wishes without your expectations and rules and without your anger and resentment. He gets to enjoy being a solo Dad for a few hours, you get to enjoy the gym, no-one dies.
Ok so deep friend chips are not particularly healthy. That is a fact.
But you are missing where this experience may be just right for your kids – what are the good bits about this that you are totally missing out on, for you, for the kids, for your husband?
Letting your brain get all angry and spinning your wheels on something that makes you feel horrible and that you can not control – even when you have the ‘facts’ and ‘evidence’ on your side – does nothing of much good.
You may win a debate…but you cant control how other people chose to act.
So much love to you my friend. I fought this battle for years – as a former lawyer I loved that I could win the kids and TV, processed meat, junk food, sleep times debates…it is a challenging lesson to learn, we can’t control other people, even when we think we have all the information to force them to.