I would love coaching on my relationship with my brother.
He is 7 years older than me and we were close as kids but in the last 10 years our relationship has deteriorated.
He is married with his own family as am I. Our parents are still alive.
I find myself so hurt and at times angry at the person he has become.
He neglects our parents, forgets my kids birthdays, doesn’t show up to family events…it is upsetting for me and my family.
I do love him…I think…but I am so disappointed in the person he is today.
How do I get past this as it is taking up so much of my life – I find myself daily in my head, ruminating about this…
Thank you for your coaching – I am loving the program!
xx E
So your brother ignores you, he withholds love from you, he isn’t the version of what you want in a brother.
At the moment you are clinging to an idea of who he will never be.
If you didnt want to love him – you would not be asking for coaching about this
If you didnt want to love him you would have walked away and cut the relationship.
So you want to love him, but your are withholding that love because you have so many conditions attached to your love for him and this is what is causing you so much pain.
Have compassion for him.
Be compassionate – he is human, he is doing the best he can right now with what he has.
And then just love him.
Let him be him.
Let him reject you.
What if you let him reject you?
Let him not acknowledge you and your parents.
Let him not show up at dinner.
And just open up to unconditional love.
You are going to say that this is just too hard.
You are going to say why should I love him when he is who he is.
Here is why…
Do it for you.
Do it because it feels so much better than withholding love.
Do it because you want to feel better.
Love him and let him be who he is – rather than rejecting him.
Your heart is broken because you want to love him.
If you didn’t you would have walked away.
You love him, but are withholding that love.
You are creating this ‘loss’ of your brother in your mind.
Control and strength – is loving him no matter what.
Let him have his story, let him have his ideas of what is right, what is wrong, what a brother should be, a son should be.
You just love.
No matter what.
This is never a bad idea.
Wanting to be right makes you withhold love from him.
Let go of the need to be right.
Just chose love.
You have got this.