Verity’s question on last Sunday’s call really resonated with me. I have also found doing this work that a lot of my mental chatter is about what others think of me, being angry when people (both at work and in my marriage with husband) disagree with me. I have noticed that this comes from a place of both an unwillingness to be wrong and a lack of confidence.
Does that make sense to come from both that place of strong ‘I’m never wrong’ but also feel low on confidence??
I would love your insight here.
Ps. Love that you do the calls from the river and the snow – love the real life element to this program and how genuine you are with all of us. Thank you for your work and for sharing your experiences, skills, knowledge and real life experiences with us and for never pretending you have all the answers like so many people in the professional/personal development space do! Xx
Yes this makes total sense.
I believe this comes from a place of thinking what we say is related to who we are. That what we say and think is who we are – which it isn’t.
We think we have to know we are right or are saying the right thing/putting forward the right idea. This is where the lack of confidence comes from. This need to be right makes us scared. Confidence is knowing you may say the wrong thing and still showing up, engaging, having the conversation, sharing our ideas.
When we try and control the outcome of an interaction (conversation/meeting/what someone thinks of our idea or proposal) we are in someone else’s business – trying to control what they think (which is impossible) and this is from a place of fear.
Here is the thing.
If you say something that is wrong.
That does not make YOU wrong, as a person.
Once you truly understand and believe this – you dont feel so scared and reactive.
You will be more willing to see where you may be wrong.
This is so much better for you and for everyone else.
The pressure comes off you – you dont have to be so rigid and closed.
You soften and open up.
When someone else disagrees with us, rejects our ideas, tells us we are wrong – that has nothing to do with our value as a human being.
Thank you for your love – such a good question too.
Xx