Since joining YLD for the main reason that I wanted to learn how to manage my emotions as a mother I have found peace in motherhood – a peace I never new existed! I am able to catch myself before I rage, before I spiral into negative thinking and yelling at the kids which I am sorry to admit had become too often in late 2017. Now when a plate is broken when my 3 year old try’s to balance it to the sink I laugh and we clean up the mess, a year ago I would have at best scowled and begrudgingly cleaned it up, at worst yelled and said ‘why do you break things all the time??’
What I am struggling with is the memory of the times when I lost it and the scared and shocked look on my little boys face – and the guilt and shame.
Have I damaged him?
Have I made him scared of making mistakes?
What have I done??