This weeks podcast caused me to really stop and think about where my food relationship comes from.
I am ‘thin’ fit and healthy.
So is my mum.
We are to the outside eye those people who can eat anything and be thin.
But the truth is that in public I am the one who has the coffee and chocolate cake, but then I dont eat at home.
This is how my mother was and still is.
We pretend (in fact act all proud really) about how we can eat whatever we want yet we dont and probably cant.
My mum to this day lives this lie as do I. Every day looking at when I will be with others and making sure I dont eat either side of that so I can publicly indulge and be proud of how it doesn’t touch the sides.
I want to be that person who makes healthy choices, eats to fuel my body, and gets on with life.
But where to even begin. It’s not just how I am, it is how others expect me to be.
You hit the nail on the head – it is a fiction. To pretend every day.
I was thinking about this today on my walk. People who are overweight we can see physically that they are limited, restricted, controlled by food. That there is an over thinking about food.
But ‘thin’ people who are constantly restricting, limiting, worrying etc (like you and your mum and so many of us) may live in a slim body, but in truth live a lot like an overweight person inside our mind.
So much space taken up with the fear of being fat.
So other people expect you to be the one to have the big slice of cake, to indulge and ?? overeat in public? I am assuming this.
If you want to stop this and start to eat to fuel your body rather than indulge and restrict day in day out…some people may notice this.
This is NOT a reason to continue living as you are.
From your message I sense that the ‘pride’ you feel in public becomes fear and shame at home.
Pride is an interesting emotion – I am not sure it is necessarily always good and this is an example of this.
How about feeling honest? true? real? authentic? How about creating protocol of what you eat and when (see this months work) and focusing on eating a healthy nutritious diet and seeing what comes up? This is the only way out that I know from where you are right now.
You begin with a protocol (easy).
You commit to it (easy).
You stick to it no matter what you feel or think in the moment (hard bit).
Repeat.
Your fears will come up. Of gaining weight, of what others think, of not being who you have pretended to be all this time.
You can handle them.
Do the homework, write down your daily thoughts and reflections.
Post back here for any feedback or help.
This work is worth it.
The alternative is to continue to live a life that is not who you are, according too an idea of what others think you are, this my friend is certain of one thing, regret.
You have got this.
DO the work xx
You are ‘thin’ but are living as someone who is actually overweight – controlled by food, res