Hi Laura,
Hope you’re well.
I’m writing for some advice.
I cannot get myself out of this ‘funk’ in my head at the moment- I’m in a very negative nasty mindset and all I can see is my flaws and not enough.
Most of it I’m ashamed to say is superficial-
I’m too fat, look disgusting, not a good mother, not rich, not stylish, not in a nice home, don’t have money, can’t afford fancy holidays or any holiday really, waste money on programs and don’t change, what am I exactly doing and going in my life- nowhere!
All I can see is my ‘not enough’ ness
This is causing me to eat crap, feel shitty, get angry, hate myself all day and compare myself all day.
I know my thoughts create my actions but how do I stop when I really do believe I’m actually not enough!?!
Please help!
You want to feel better.
You think that more money, a nicer house, a thinner body and a holiday will make you happy.
You think that once you get the external world ‘just right’ that the internal world will fall into place.
It wont.
Please dont think that this is just one more reason why you are not enough.
You are a human being and all of us fall into this type of thinking at times – we always will.
Half the job is actually noticing this pattern – which you have.
The truth is that your inner dialogue will confirm your external world.
Say you are fat, you will be.
Say you never have enough money, you never will.
Say you are not enough, you never will be enough.
So finances are tight, your jeans are tight, your sense of place in the world is confused.
You think you are not enough. When you say you actually ‘believe’ you are not enough…there is little difference between a thought and a belief, the only difference is that a belief is a thought you keep having over and over again.
We think beliefs are facts.
They are NOT
They are stories we tell ourselves.
You have a well worn story you have on replay.
It feels so true to you.
But it is neither true or false, it is just your interpretation of the painting that is your life.
Some could look at your painting and see a family, a home, happy kids, comfort in domestic life, in the simplicity of it.
You see lack, old things, tight jeans, tired husbands and not enough.
Both stories are true in some sense – they are interpretations.
Allow yourself to feel the shitty emotions of lack and flaws.
Soften up to it all.
Sit with it.
With compassion for yourself, for your humanness, there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!
Nothing!
This is part of being human.
See how the internal aggression toward yourself, the internal dialogue, is a scared, angry, little girl who feels totally lost.
This is only a small part of you.
The bigger you needs to give her a hug.
Tell her she is going to be Ok.
Tell her if she thinks she cant, she wont (just like you probably say to your kids when they say they cant climb the tree).
You have a body.
It has created your children.
It has carried you through this world.
You have a home.
You have a car.
You have food in then fridge.
You are aware that your mind goes wild at times.
You are learning how to manage it.
You are showing up.
You are doing the best you can with what you have.
On some days you dont do the best you can, but that does not make you any less worthy, it just makes you human.
No fancy car or holiday will make your life better Ondrea, not long term.
It may feel good to be thin, to be on a holiday in Fiji, to have a new house…for that moment.
But that internal aggression, lack, not enough mindset…means you will never be satisfied.
You can never be enough if you think you need more to be enough.
It’s like a dog chasing its tail…round and round.
This moment.
Right here.
Right now.
You sitting reading this.
This is all you have.
This is what you will look back on and probably think, oh why didnt I see all that I had?
This can stop with you.
You can chose to see opportunity, to see love, to see joy, to see all of this as just an invitation to open up to the life you have in front of you and not live in the future dreaming of a time when everything will be better, robbing yourself of the life you have right in front of you.
LOVE to you my friend.
Big love.
Please please please.
Sit down.
Give that internal crazy lady a cuddle.
Be kind to yourself.
Breathe.