I have come to notice that i give most of my attention outside to kids, family, work, appearance, community, friends.
This is all important i know BUT i have realised doing this work that it is almost obsessive – giving giving feels like moving – it keeps me from having to take responsibility for how i feel inside.
Which is not great.
I have a marriage where my husband is not faithful.
I feel deeply that this is because I am flawed.
This happened in my parents relationship also.
I drink too much wine, I avoid my personal feelings – that deep inside i want to leave.
Because – i cant.
The kids, the house, the fear, what the outside world would think.
So here i am.
Disconnected from self.
Outside looking just fine in my car, dropping the kids at school.
How do I make peace with myself that this is how marriage is, because i wont leave, not in the foreseeable future?