I have noticed how critical of myself I am in my inner dialogue.
I am doing the thought reframing work books and that is helping.
You talked on the last call about your inner ‘push push push’ dialogue.
Do you have any other ways you soften the internal dialogue?
Thank you.
xx
Jeni
Hard on myself
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Great question Jeni and very timely, only an hour ago I had to soften that inner voice so its front of mind!
The thought reframing is useful to see a way of thinking that is less harsh or critical.
What is also important is to know that we ALL ruminate and rage and push and criticise ourselves – some more than others yes – but it is normal and part of being human.
We all have a degree of negative bias so dont feel shame for it.
Pushing the inner critic away is not effective that just leads to numbing out.
What works is allowing it to be there, knowing that YOU are NOT that voice, you are the witness to that inner voice – see how your mind is scared, ashamed, feeling inadequate and bring kindness to your mind.
Here is what I mean.
This morning (fathers day) we had a family breakfast in a local cafe.
On the way in to the cafe my eldest told me something that made me feel worried for her and we had a conversation about how she could best manage her feelings. Then inside the cafe my youngest had a total meltdown and I took her outside where she continued to scream. I tried to create a space for her to feel upset, calm down and come back to the family.
For both kids I spent time being kind, listening, helping problem solve.
For those who dont have kids think of the last time you helped a loved one or colleague manage a difficult situation.
Then after I took a moment once she had calmed down and I intentionally did what I did for the kids. I said to myself, that was challenging, its ok that you dont know exactly what to say when your daughter is worried, its ok that your other kid has meltdowns in public, you did the best you could, all parents get this at times, dont resist it, let it be and focus on how you can support not solve their challenges.
This is how I approach internal self criticism too. When I have moments or days when the internal chatter is about not being good enough, thin enough, smart enough, when its about pushing and not slowing down once I notice it I dont shame myself for it. I remind myself:
1) we all have an internal crazy lady
2) that internal dialogue is not ME I am the witness to it
3) I have compassion for myself ‘that was challenging, its ok that you feel this way”
4) I remind myself I am not alone (all parents have to deal with this, you are not alone)
5) I let it be there without resisting it and feel it all the way through
I hope this helps
Remember its not about getting rid of the internal criticism, let it be there, be kind to that scared part of yourself and it calms down.
xx L