HI LAURA MY QUESTION RELATES TO OVEREATING. I AM A SLOW LEARNER…AND HAVE ONLY NOW FINALLY REALISED AND ADMITTED THAT WHAT I EAT IS MY EMOTIONS. I CARE FOR MY DISABLED ADULT BROTHER AND WORK FULL TIME. MY LIFE LIKE MANY OF US, IS BUSY. HOWEVER MY MIND LIKES TO THINK I AM A UNIQUE LITTLE UNICORN AND MY ISSUES AND CHALLENGES ARE WORSE THAN OTHERS. SO WHEN I THINK LIKE THIS I FEEL RESENTFUL OF OTHER WHO DONT HAVE TO CARE FOR SOMEONE LIKE I DO, RESENTFUL OF LOST OPPORTUNITES ETC AND I EAT THE PAIN.
I AM DOING THE THOUGHT REFRAMES – THEY HELP. BUT THERE ARE STILL SOME DAYS WHEN I AM TOTALLY TAKEN OVER BY THESE FEELINGS AND I REACT IN WAYS THAT I DONT WANT TO.
ANY OTHER TIPS ON HOW TO BETTER MANAGE THIS AND BE MORE CONSISTENT WITH TAKING RESPONSIBILITY?
Great Q and thank you
1. Own your role – you are a rock star, who better for this role than you, you choose it, you can walk out the door right now, nothing keeps you there other than your decision based on your values. Every sacrifice was your choice.
2. Re write that story from lost opportunities and lost energy from caring to one of empowerment, of living your values of family and love and care
3. Decide who you want to be going forward. If there was no risk in being totally honest, no judgement, no fear – what do you want to do? Do you want to continue being the career of your brother? Be honest. How do you want your future to look?
You must do this. If you want to change how things look – not be his career, bring in help so you do it part time, change the nature of how it works etc – you MUST own this and follow through. Trying to change your thoughts about a situation that is no longer aligned with what you want wont ever work long term!
4. If you do want to remain as is – connect with others who care mentally – in terms of resenting fact you have to care for another. Think of all the other people right now caring for a child, elderly parent, sick or disabled friend…see your journey is not unique or more or less than anyone else’s – this ability to see how your path is shared by others means resentment has less of a place to hide, because you feel connected to others not seperate and alone